What I Wish I Knew: Lessons from an Experienced Parent on Starting School

Written by: Kate Rich, mom of 3 FM Alums

As a mom of three kids, I remember the mix of excitement and anxiety that comes with sending little ones off to preschool and kindergarten. It feels like a huge milestone, but it can also be overwhelming. My oldest is now in high school, and all of my kids are now solidly in the older child and early teen years, but looking back, I can see  I’ve gathered some insights I wish I had known back when they were little. Here are the top lessons I’ve learned that I hope will help you as you embark on this adventure.

Lesson 1: Embrace Independence

One of the biggest surprises for me was realizing just how capable my kids were. When I stepped back and let them take the lead—whether it was putting on their shoes or choosing their outfits—they thrived! For example, my daughter went through a phase where she wanted to wear every single hair bow in our house to school every day. I’ll admit, I worried that other people would judge me for letting her show up with 20-30 bows in her hair. But you know what? It turned into something amazing! The kids at school started talking about her “hair bouquet” and even made a game to count her bows each day. They would draw pictures of her, and it became a wonderful way for her to connect with her classmates. Kids are often more independent than we give them credit for, so let them try! You might be amazed at what they can do.

Lesson 2: Allowing for Individual Growth

I remember worrying when my son went through a stage with a lot of big anger outbursts, fearing it meant he would struggle forever. Another one of my children struggled with intense anxiety, especially around separation. Looking back, I wish I had known that these behaviors could be a normal part of developing and growing up. Kids change and evolve, especially when they have the love and support of their family and community. Trust the process; each phase will pass, and your little ones will grow into the incredible individuals they’re meant to be.

Lesson 3: Building a Strong Community

One of the greatest gifts I gained during those early parenting years was the friendships I made with other moms. The bonds we formed have carried us through the ups and downs of parenting, and many of those friendships are still strong today. Don’t hesitate to invest time in connecting with other parents. It may be challenging at times, but these relationships can be some of the most supportive and fulfilling parts of your journey.

Lesson 4: Supporting Emotional Development

Navigating friendships and relationships is a key part of childhood. As your kids encounter conflicts with peers, they’ll need your guidance. Encourage them to express their feelings and help them learn to resolve conflicts. This will build resilience and emotional intelligence, essential skills for their future. Your teachers are also an amazing support in this department- they have so much experience, tools, and knowledge to share with you.

Conclusion

As you send your little ones off to school, remember you’re not alone in this journey. Take a deep breath and wake up each day ready to learn and love your kids just as they are today. Lean on your support systems—teachers, other parents, and friends—because you’re all in this together. Share your experiences, connect with other parents, and remember: you’re doing an amazing job.

Kate Rich with her children, Olivia, Malachi and Ginny (all FM alums)

First Weeks of School

The first few weeks are often filled with excitement and some trepidation!  There are so many new things happening all at once when young children begin school, especially for the first time!  The first week is usually filled with lots of wonder and wide eyes.  It is so fun to see children experience something new.  They grow up a lot in just that first week!  They are away from home and learning so much already.  

Some teachers will say this is the honeymoon period.  Then the 2nd and 3rd weeks come and suddenly your child might seem really, really tired.  This is very normal.  There is an adjustment period to this new routine! Your child is not only up and out of the house by 8:30, but they have so many new lessons to learn. And that IS tiring!  Being on their best behavior at school takes a lot of mental energy.  Learning to meet new friends, pay attention at circle time, discover a new activity from the shelf…. all these things both energize and take energy!  Don’t be surprised if your child is needing extra sleep this first month.  Often behavior at home after school can deteriorate as the child can safely release all their emotions once home.  Your calm and reassuring presence is more important than ever in this transition time!   It does get better and children do adjust (as well as the teachers and parents!)

Some things parents can do to help your child during this transition time:

  1. Make sure your child goes to bed on time or even early.
  2. Have some calm morning time before school.
  3. Naps that have been in the past might come back.  Make time for that.
  4. Spend some quality time with your child.  The one-on-one with a parent helps your child get recentered and gives them feel loved and safe during new times.
  5. Don’t overschedule your child with activities this month. 
  6. Allow the child to play quietly at home without TV’s, tablets, or electronic devices.
  7. Spend some time in nature to roam and enjoy being outside. 
  8. Don’t probe your child for information on their day.  They often will not remember what they did the last 3 hours and may not want to share yet as they process all their new experiences.  
  9. If your child says they don’t want to go to school, they usually are saying “I’m tired.”  Just reassure them that this is indeed a school day, and you will be back soon.  They can play at home when they are done with school. 
  10. If your child has a true concern about something at school, let the teachers know right away so any situation can be resolved.  Many new processes are taught, and young children may not process it all.  (For instance, a child may think that they can never have a drink of water at school!  Not true, and if a teacher learns this, we will take an extra moment to show your child how to do that!)
  11. Enjoy this new adventure and share your joy with your child!  Be proud of them!

Grace and Courtesy

This is a hallmark of a Montessori classroom.  It’s an intention.  Teaching grace and courtesy is a deliberate way of helping children build community in their peer group by learning the means of being kind, helpful, supportive and inclusive to all.   Teachers in the classroom begin by modeling grace and courtesy in many ways throughout the morning.  We speak respectfully to children and each other.   We demonstrate good manners.  Then we talk about these behaviors in very overt ways.  

The children practice manners and kindness every day.  Children greet one another every morning…Saying good morning.  How are you? They are encouraged to help one another throughout the day.  Some examples are: the older children model helpful ways of giving younger children lessons.  If a child spills something, we encourage other children to help them clean it up.  

Children only need permission to act on their natural impulses to help, comfort, or guide another child.  It usually starts with one act of kindness and it catches on like wildfire.  Children can be great emotional support to each other when needed.  They can also solve many social problems that arise better than we adults can. They have a level of understanding of the problem, and with simple guidance from an adult, they can reconcile any differences in a much more satisfactory way for all parties involved. 

We love watching the children become a cohesive group throughout the year.   Learning grace and courtesy brings a very civilized and calm feel to the classroom. Each child knows they can make a positive difference in their classmates’ day.  And that feels good to them. 

It feels good to the teachers as well to witness it unfolding! 

Capturing grace and courtesy in a picture is hard. It’s all in the words they choose and what they are saying.  But here is a peak at a few things we see each day.

Greeting on another at circle time each morning.

Taking care to help a child clean up the spilled beans.

Comforting a sad friend on the playground.

Telling her friend, “You are so cute!”

Kindergartners celebrating with each other at the end of the year.

Helping a younger child get her indoor shoes on.

Good Shepherd

What is this? Well. It comes under many names: Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, Godly Play, or just Good Shepherd. It is a wonderful Christian education program that brings the stories from the Bible (Old and New Testament) alive in a child friendly manner, using manipulatives to tell a story or parable. This program seeks to instill a natural wondering about the stories of the Bible in children in a very age appropriate manner. Each lesson is designed to tell the story for children aged 3-6, then to ask some questions, such as “I wonder how the Good Samaritan felt when he helped the man?” “I wonder what other seeds can grow like a mustard seed?” It helps to deepen the children’s understanding of the mysteries of God and the parables. These presentations work across the borders of most religions making it applicable for all forms of Christianity. The children enjoy hearing the story told by the adult, then they have materials (or a work) that they use back at school to re-tell the story and strengthen their awareness and interest.

At FM, the children go next door to St. Patrick’s Church where Jill Lane and Mary Lasher (who have taught a formal Good Shepherd program for years) tell the story in the sanctuary. We start with a simple song called, “Be Still and Know that I Am God”. Then the story is told to the children. The children will interact asking questions afterward.

Good Shepherd was first brought to St. Patrick’s Church by my mother, Eugenie Campbell, who was a Montessori teacher for years. Because Good Shepherd aligns so well with Montessori, she was able to blend her skills of teaching and Christian education. That program was well received and for about 15 years ran out of the church. We feel very lucky to be able to instill the Good Shepherd program into our curriculum at FM, and we thank Jill and Mary for making that happen for us!

Moveable Alphabet

The Moveable Alphabet is a classic Montessori material and one that is used often in our classroom. You might hear your child call it the “Musical Alphabet”. 🙂 I think that is charming mispronunciation.

The Movable Alphabet is a box consisting of 26 letters. The vowels are blue and the consonants are red. The children at FM learn their first 5 letters (typically a, m, s, b, t, c) with use of Sandpaper Letters and sorting objects. By learn I mean they learn the letter sound, not letter name, and they know which symbol represents the letter sound. Once the child is fairly confident in pointing out the correct letter sound, we introduce the Moveable Alphabet. First let me explain why, before I explain how.

Montessori was one of the early believers that children learn to read by writing. She also believed in strong phonetic foundation for reading. (Which mirrors current research labelled, the Science of Reading). At the age of 3 and 4, holding a pencil and constructing a letter symbol is a challenge. But children are ready to work with letters and symbols before their hands can catch up to this precise, fine motor work. Thus the Moveable Alphabet was developed. The children would not have to know how to write a letter, they would just have to find a wooden cut out letter in a box in order to “write” a word. Brilliant! So how is it used?

With 5 letter sounds learned, the child is able to “write” a word. The teacher will give them a word such as mat and by helping the child hear each individual sound, the child can find the correct symbols and “write” the word. This process is called decoding. Decoding the word is finding correct letters to put together to make a work. It is the first and most important step in beginning to learn to read. Children remain in this decoding phase for a long time. Through repetitive use of MA and other supporting phonics materials, the entirety of the alphabet is learned by the child. (We usually put sounds in 5 letter “chunks” – thereby having sound boxes with 5 unique letters to learn and we slowly incorporate those into the words with MA.).

What is that paper that comes home with words written in red and blue? This list of words that your child might be bringing home is the end result of the long work with Movable Alphabet. Once the child has “written” 6 words with the MA, we write them down (or they write their own if they wish). They take great pride in having a list of words they have “written” to show their parents. Can the child read these words to you yet? Mostly – no. Please don’t ask them to. The process of decoding is not the same as reading, but it is critical foundation work.

Eventually during the process of learning all the letters sounds and building words, children start to pick up on the idea of saying each letter sound out loud and blending them together to actually say a word. This process is called encoding. We model this process each time we do the work. This is a much harder step for the child. This is where the child will sound out the word and read it back to you. And so the excitement of becoming a reader begins! More on that in the next blog!!

Please see the attached video that Everett and his parents have given consent to share! It will show you this process at school. He, and many children, ask us each day to do the Movable (Musical) Alphabet with them!

Everett doing Movable Alphabet with Ms. Tina. Thanks, Everett

Child writing the words.